the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
