The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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