Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
