Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
