My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
