Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
