Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
