She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
