I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
