I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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