Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize