Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
