i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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