In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry about my life...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
