I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
