What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
