He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize