Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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