I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
