i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
