whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
