I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize