My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
