told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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