Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
