i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Help. Why am I so naked?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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