I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
