Need sex. Gaining weight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
