My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
