im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
