dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
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Do I have a choice?
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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