You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
