I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize