Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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