I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
