Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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