Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
