I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
