Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
