I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want to make out with him forever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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