I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
