Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
