jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
