No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
