I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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