I must be too annoying 4 u.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
