i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Pooping to opera.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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