$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
