Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
