and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
