Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
