whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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