R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
