So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
