seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
