I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize