apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
