Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
