Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
