just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
