Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
