Sry I called you an 8
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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