Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
