this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
