She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
