CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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