didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Drunk is not a location!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
