Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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