I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
