The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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