Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize